Most children actually care about consequences even when it seems like they don’t. Most of the time, it has nothing to not caring, but with the fact that:
- They are struggling to emotionally regulate,
- There is either no connection direct between their behavior and the outcome or they don’t comprehend it.
Regardless of the situation, it’s important for a parent or teacher to understand the case prior to focusing on discipline because if there’s a disconnect and you ignore the problem, it can lead to bigger behavioral issues.
The goal is to explain to your children why their behavior matters and the reason it’s important to take responsibility. It will teach your children to think deeply about their reactions and over time, it will build a sense of trust and safety within your relationship.
If you implement the following strategies, you’ll notice your child’s self-esteem start to rise and they will focus more on communication and problem-solving.
Actionable Steps:
#1. Punishment versus Teaching
Instead of rushing to punish your child, focus on what the issue is, why it occurred and how your child can take responsibility for their actions.
If there’s a natural consequence, such as if your child was rude to the teacher, let them deal with the teacher’s consequence.
Otherwise, look for a logical consequence that matches problem. For instance, if your child was rude to another person, they have to find a way to apologize and make it up to that person.
#2. Provide Choices
Many children feel like they are always being told what to do and when to do it. They feel like they have no control over their life and are always waning to grow up so that they can have this control.
When you give them a choice, it gives them agency over a situation while helping them make a good choice for themselves.
For example, “You can either do your chores now and then go out to play with your friends or you can do your chores later but you’ll have to stay home because you won’t have time go out after.”
#3. Foster Connections
Develop a connection with your children. This doesn’t just mean making dinner for them. Actually take the time to talk to your child and listen to what they have to say to you. If they don’t want to talk at the beginning, sit with them and talk to them anyway. At some point, they’ll realize that you are there to support them. and will open up to you.
Developing this bond will not only strengthen your relationship, but it will also help them emotionally regulate and provide you with insight into their world.
#4. Set Expectations
Teach your children about how to make good choices. Then set clear guides about what is expected of them and how you’ll help them achieve it.
Don’t be vague with, “you need to be good when you go out.” Instead, say “I expect you to by 10pm or the door will be locked. If you cannot find a way to get home, call me and I will come and get you.”
You can teach your children how to make good choices by using the following FREE Resource:
Recap:
Let’s recap really quickly. Today, we looked at the following:
- The importance of understanding why children don’t bother with consequences.
- Four strategies to deal with a child who doesn’t care about consequences: punishment versus teaching, provide choices, foster connections, and set expectations.
Free Resources:
For a taste of the resources that were mentioned in step two, check out the following resource in my FREE Education Resource Library.
Next Steps:
If you found this video beneficial, would you do me a favor? Share this with your family, your friends, your loved ones, your co-workers or someone who you think could benefit from this. Thank you!
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I’ll see you next Friday at 5:30pm PST.
Until I see you next time, remember to create, experience & teach from the heart.
Take care,
Charlotte
Disclaimer: I’m a teacher and a parent. I’m not a medical professional, so please don’t take this as medical advice. The advice that I provide in my videos and online are strategies that I have used in my own class or at home that have worked beautifully.
