Gratitude is a wonderful skill to nurture in young children. However, for kids with ADHD and autism, asking them to say “thank you” or using other traditional methods like this don’t always work.
For the most part, it has nothing to do with them being ungrateful — it’s that they process social cues, language and emotions differently. Forcing them to express gratitude without teaching them to understand and feel it can backfire, creating resistance and unnecessary stress instead of connection.
There is good news though. You can help your children learn to recognize and express gratitude in ways that feel authentic, meaningful and natural to them.
When gratitude is expressed, the child should feel it instead of being forced to say “thank you” at the right time because it’s expected of them. When we drop the pressure and provide neurodivergent children with the appropriate tools to notice kindness and generosity, they’ll feel more comfortable expressing appreciation. These strategies can for all of your students, so this can be implemented as a whole class lesson and as a part of your health unit.
Actionable Steps:
#1. Model Gratitude
Instead of constantly telling your child to say, “thank you” when they don’t understand the concept, show them how to recognize gratitude.
When your child says or does something kind to you or others, show them appreciation by stating exactly what they did. For example, if they helped someone with an assignment, you can say, “thank you for helping Jake finish his math work.” In fact, thank other children for the good deeds that they do in front of your neurodivergent children so that they see what gratitude looks like in different circumstances.
When others thank you, voice your joy in front of them so that your children see how it feels to be thanked. You can say, “That’s so kind of you. It makes me feel so happy.”
If you’d like specific ways to teach your children how to say thank you, check out the following video: Simple Ways to Teach Your Kids to Say Please and Thank You.
If you want me to model it for your children, check out this video: How to Say Please and Thank You.
#2. Connect to Interests
When gratitude is connected to something that your child cares about, they are more likely to express it.
If they’re into cars, discuss being thankful for an exciting car ride. If they enjoy playing with animals, thank their cousin’s pet for playing with them.
When appreciation is tied to a special interest, it makes it more personal instead of forced and abstract.
#3. Focus on Sensory Needs
For those children who struggle to verbally thank someone, due to social anxiety, speech delays or sensory overwhelm, provide them with alternative methods.
Instead of forcing the spoken words on them, have them draw or color thank you cards. Perhaps they can make a handmade craft or use a gesture, like a thumbs-up sign or a smile.
Keep in mind that processing feelings, like gratitude, can take longer for many children with ADHD and autism. Be patient with the learning process and don’t harp on their mistakes. Instead, celebrate their progress.
Recap:
Let’s recap really quickly. Today, we looked at the following:
- The reason why it’s important to focus on teaching neurodivergent children about showing appreciation.
- How to help kids with ADHD and autism express gratitude (without forcing it): model gratitude, connect to interests, and focus on sensory needs.
Free Resources:
For a taste of the resources that were mentioned in step two, check out the following resource in my FREE Education Resource Library.
Teach your little ones how to make good choices with the following FREE Resource:
Next Steps:
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I’ll see you next Friday at 5:30pm PST.
Until I see you next time, remember to create, experience & teach from the heart.
Take care,
Charlotte
Disclaimer: I’m a teacher and a parent. I’m not a medical professional, so please don’t take this as medical advice. The advice that I provide in my videos and online are strategies that I have used in my own class or at home that have worked beautifully.
