Having high expectations can be good for a child, especially if they have them for themselves. However, when high expectations turn to perfectionism and when children can’t be satisfied with their performance, we see a problem rising.
At first, perfectionism starts by children wanting to emulate high performing trusted adults in their life. Over time, this goes from emulation to a need for everything to be perfect. At that point, it’s no longer about high expectations but about intense pressure that the child places on themselves. For example, if a child scores 9/10 on a test, most children would see that as a win but for a perfectionist, this is seen as a failure because in their mind, they should have scored 10/10. If a child does score 10/10 they’ll state that they were lucky and secretly worry that they won’t be able to replicate it again.
If not addressed, this condition can worsen over time. The following are ways to help children who are struggling with perfectionism. Please note that I’m not a medical professional but a teacher, so the advice I’m providing here is what I use and what works in my classroom.
Perfectionism is also something that I’ve dealt so this article is also from first hand experience.
Actionable Steps:
#1. The Reason
Talk to the child and look for the underlying reason. Perfectionism doesn’t just come out of thin air. There’s a reason why this child has a need to be perfect and it was learned from someone. At times, this can also be used as a coping mechanism for a greater issue.
#2. Failings and Expectations
Share stories about the times that you failed and how you learned from it so that students can see that it’s healthy to fail. Then discuss how you coped with it.
Talk to the child about what can and can’t be controlled- what’s within our limits. For example, we can’t control other people and their actions, but we can control our own thoughts, emotions, and ability to succeed.
#3. Coping Skills
Teach your students about positive self talk so that they can move away from a fixed to a growth mindset. For example, instead of, “I’m so foolish! I forgot to photocopy these worksheets,” you can say, “It slipped my mind to photocopy these worksheets. I’ll make a note of it for next time.”
When dealing with disappointments, teach your children how to manage their emotions by talking about it with a trusted adult or friends, or write or draw in a journal as a way of letting out emotions and rationalizing their thoughts.
#4. Healthy Self-Esteem
Encourage your students to learn new skills where they aren’t the expert. Then teach them to set realistic expectations and goals for themselves. If they don’t succeed, have them implement the coping strategies that you taught them. Express to them the joy of learning something new without expectations of being perfect. Have them record their progress so that they can see how well they’re developing. Remember to praise the child for their progress so they see that growth is more important than constantly being perfect.
The following resources are ways to help your students build their self-esteem.
Recap:
Let’s recap really quickly. Today, we looked at the following:
- The reasons why it’s important to look into why students have a need to be perfect.
- Causes of perfectionism in a child and how to help them: the reason, failings and expectations, coping skills, and healthy self-esteem.
Free Resources:
If your children are struggling to hand in assignments on time, check out the following video training: 3 Steps to Teach Children How to Overcome Procrastination to Increase Productivity.
In the mean time, if you’re feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and burnout, then I encourage you to check out the following: FREE MASTERCLASS: Systematic Plan to Super Passionate.
Next Steps:
For calm down areas on a budget, for your students who have autism, CLICK HERE.
If you found this video beneficial, would you do me a favor? Share this with your family, your friends, your loved ones, your co-workers or someone who you think could benefit from this. Thank you!
I’ll see you next Friday at 5:30pm PST.
Until I see you next time, remember to create, experience & teach from the heart.
Take care,
Charlotte
Disclaimer: I’m a teacher and a parent. I’m not a medical professional, so please don’t take this as medical advice. The advice that I provide in my videos and online are strategies that I have used in my own class or at home that have worked beautifully. Make sure to adapt these strategies for your individual child. Thank you!