When you think about postpartum depression or anxiety, what comes to mind?
For me, it was the obvious- what I saw on television or in the movies. I thought that that it was when new mothers were so overwhelmed by the birth of their child that the hormonal changes caused them to harm or kill their babies. Pretty depressing but that’s honestly all I knew about it.
This does happen but this is the worse case scenario. It’s not the norm, which is why it baffled my mind when it happened to me. I didn’t even know I had it for a long time because I didn’t have a clear understanding about it.
Postpartum depression or anxiety is commonly known as the “baby blues.” It’s a type of depression that occurs after someone gives birth and lasts past the six weeks mark. This doesn’t just affect the birthing mother, but also surrogates, adoptive parents and fathers.
My Story:
I have anxiety. I’ve always had it so I understand it well. However, I’ve never had postpartum anxiety, so it was new to me.
I struggled to get pregnant with my first baby. I prayed for years before he finally came to me. I was over the moon with joy when I found out that I was pregnant. My pregnancy went well until I got PUPPs. It was painful but I could handle it.
However, I wasn’t ready to experience a break-in during my third trimester, followed by an injury related to it. This shook me to my very core. If you’ve been pregnant, you know that some people have vivid dreams during their third trimester. I was one of them. I started having nightmares in the night and I was scared to be alone during the day. I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to take care of the baby if they broke in again.
I was rattled before I gave birth.
I’m not much of a crier and I don’t like showing my emotions. However, a few hours after I gave birth, I started feeling unwell. I was crying for no reason at all and I become overwhelmed because I was a new mom who didn’t know what she was doing. Every little thing set me off.
When I got home, there were too many changes for me to handle. I don’t do well with changes, let alone when I’m struggling. It didn’t help that I was still in the process of completing my Masters Degree. I tried to study and write essays while rocking my baby. I wasn’t getting much sleep which made my ability to cope even more difficult.
My sister and sister-in-law tried to help but with Covid, all of my doctors’ appointments were cancelled so no one realized that anything was wrong. My husband thought it was just me being anxious. It didn’t help that I hid my feelings from him in an effort to protect him as he had to pick up the pieces and care for our son in a way that I couldn’t.
I honestly didn’t want to be around my baby. Every time I was alone with him, I mentally shut down, took care of him and followed the rules that I made up for myself. I made sure to lock us in so that no one could harm us. I will say that there were times that I just wanted to pack my bags and go to my mother’s house as I felt that my baby would be better off without me. I warned my husband that it was best not to leave me alone with our baby for long and thankfully, he listened to me.
I did everything I could to get rid of my “anxiety” but it didn’t go away because it wasn’t regular anxiety. The same strategies don’t work.
Instead, I did the following to understand what was wrong with me and to recover as quickly as I could. Please note that I’m not a medical professional and everyone who experiences this goes through something different. Don’t compare your experience to mine. Take what you can from this article. I hope this helps you or your loved ones.
Actionable Steps For Diagnosis:
#1. Get Assessed
Call your local helpline for postpartum depression as soon as you suspect something is wrong. Listen to your inner self. If you are struggling, call a helpline. Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
I knew something was wrong with me for months but I thought that I could control it if it was just anxiety. I knew how to manage my anxiety and everyone told me that’s all it was. However, nothing I did worked.
It took me 8 months of intense struggle before I finally decided to get help. I remember sitting on the side of the couch balling in tears at 10pm when I called the helpline in my area. They went through an assessment with me and helped me calm down.
#2. Join a Group
Group counselling is not my cup of tea but it helped me immensely. I no longer felt alone because there were other women who were going through this as well. We talked about what we were going through, supported each other and worked on self-care. Some of us have chosen to remain friends even though we’ve left the group.
Even if you’re not interested in it or you aren’t sure if it will help you, I urge you to give it a try because you have nothing to loose. Depending on where you live, these groups are free but there may be a waitlist so put your name down as soon as you suspect you have postpartum depression and have been evaluated for it.
#3. Engage in 1-1
If it is within your budget and you have the time and the mental bandwidth for it, I suggest pairing group counselling with 1-1 counselling as it will help you work through postpartum depression at a faster pace.
Recall, I stated that it wasn’t until I was 8 months postpartum, that I finally got help. At that point, I was tired of struggling and was getting ready to go back to work. I desperately needed to get help so that I could bond with my son and enjoy the little time we had left to spend our days together before I had to go back to work.
There are many types of counselling, like CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- and so forth. Initially, I was going to find a CBT therapist, but decided to go in a different direction and found one that focused on the heart and emotions. This worked really well for me.
You’ll have people telling you what they think will work and they are probably right for themselves. You’ll need to try different forms of therapy until you find the one that works best for you.
Truthfully, I didn’t enjoy the process at first but I was honest about it. I stuck it out and I’m glad I did because within two months of joining the group and pairing it with 1-1 therapy, I felt like the fog in my mind was slowly starting to lift.
#4. Go Out
Go out in nature if it’s possible. Fresh air and sunlight will help you feel slightly better. If you push your baby in a stroller or carry them in a baby carrier, they will feel calmer, which will also calm your nerves a bit.
If it’s possible, meet up with some of your friends or with other mothers so that you aren’t alone.
When I was struggling, it was during Covid so we all had to self-isolate. Being alone was so difficult. I didn’t have anyone to talk to beside immediate family. No one could see what I was going through to help me. I’m grateful for the friends who called to check in on me.
It also helps if you’re laughing with friends and enjoying some time with those who you love while you’re doing things you enjoy together.
#5. Find a Doctor
Make sure you get in touch with your family doctor, your OBGYN or your midwife. Tell them how you’re feeling and make a follow-up appointment with them so that they can provide you with any additional support that you may need.
There’s more to postpartum depression or anxiety than what I’ve outlined here. This was my experience. Yours may be different. Your medical professional will be able to help you. If you feel like you aren’t being heard, advocate for yourself. You deserve to enjoy your time with your child.
Recap:
Let’s recap really quickly. Today, we looked at the following:
- The reasons why it’s difficult to know if you have postpartum depression or anxiety.
- My family’s background story with postpartum anxiety.
- How to cope with postpartum depression and anxiety: get assessed, join a group, engage in 1-1, go out, and find a doctor.
Free Resources:
If your children are struggling to hand in assignments on time, check out the following video training: 3 Steps to Teach Children How to Overcome Procrastination to Increase Productivity.
In the mean time, if you’re feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and burnout, then I encourage you to check out the following: FREE MASTERCLASS: Systematic Plan to Super Passionate.
Next Steps:
For calm down areas on a budget, for your students who have autism, CLICK HERE.
If you found this video beneficial, would you do me a favor? Share this with your family, your friends, your loved ones, your co-workers or someone who you think could benefit from this. Thank you!
I’ll see you next Friday at 5:30pm PST.
Until I see you next time, remember to create, experience & teach from the heart.
Take care,
Charlotte
Disclaimer: I’m a teacher and a parent. I’m not a medical professional, so please don’t take this as medical advice. The advice that I provide in my videos and online are strategies that I have used in my own class or at home that have worked beautifully. Since mental health is a spectrum, make sure to adapt these strategies for your individual child. Thank you!
